Me, Myself, and I

It's hard to juggle all of the titles that life has thrown at me in the last year. And by titles I mean "mama" and "wife" which joined the previous solo title of "ME". It's a constant switch back and forth between the duties that each role seems to dictate. The emotions that go into each one seem to vary as well. When I'm by myself (which is rarely, but let's go with it...), let's say in the shower, no one to answer to...I am ME. As soon as I step out it's a constant switch up between being a mama and being someones wife. In order to be the best wife and mother I feel as though I have to make sure that I'm taken care of as well. Are you following me or am I floundering? This is a difficult subject to broach. Many women believe that putting their child anywhere but at #1 is preposterous. It's mean. It's neglect. But, in my mind...neglecting yourself and your own soul is mean... it's neglect. So, how do you make sure each part of yourself gets enough attention and nurturing? Well, I for one have yet to figure it out. It's hard to not feel the guilt that comes with putting yourself first which I think is what holds the majority of mama's back from nurturing and caring for themselves. All of your time and energy is spent loving, caring, and molding your relationship with your significant other and a tiny little human so it's so easy to let your owns needs (emotional and physical) be pushed into the background. It's hard to put into words how to say this properly. I am not  trying to say that I put all of my selfish needs in front of my child's, that I let him sit in a dirty diaper while I put on makeup or paint my nails. I don't value myself any more than my baby, if anything I feel the need to take care of myself because I value his well-being so much. Does Silas benefit from a mother who doesn't feel good about herself?Absolutely not. Does he benefit in anyway from a mother and father who have lost their connection, their love? Again, no. So it's important for me to take that time (most of that time is when his papa is around, someone is always with the baby! Don't fret) to remember that I am still important. And that my marriage is too.

I'm guilty of letting myself go at times. Days without a shower, pj's 7 straight days. THer are times when it feels good to not care, but then a day comes and I feel and intense push to get in that sower, do something with my hair, throw on some mascara, and feel human again. This week I have a hair appointment and a breakfast date with some girlfriends (sans baby). The plans are made on my husbands only two days off...so yeah, I feel like I'm missing out on some family time and that's hard. I might feel a little guilt, but I'm going to work really hard on pushing that away. Each of these components in my life deserve a fair amount of love and time. And if you neglect one, the others will suffer. It's a balancing act, that's for sure.

"In order of importance: 1.Self, 2. Marriage, 3. Child. 

Of course all are as important as each other, but neglecting 

the one before is a disservice to the one after."

-Jemima Kirke