It's no huge secret that birthing a child is painful. I found pregnancy to be "painful". I put that in "" because it wasn't actual pain, but it was a lot of uncomfortableness all day every day. I gave birth to Silas sans drugs. Silas's birth was exactly what I wanted though. No drugs and just me and my hubby working through it (and our doula!). After 18 hrs of contractions and pushing and I pushed out that 8 pounder like a god damn champ and then took two ibuprofen. I was proud of myself, but during my labor I thought I was going to die. I said it, oh...maybe 8 times out loud. My labor was filled with contractions on top of contractions and the worst back pain. Thank god for my lovely Doula Sarah, who I must have told 100 times afterwards that she saved my life (dramatic, much?). Anyways, my point is this...when you go for baby two you are essentially consenting to this horrific painful event again. Now, don't get me wrong it was amazing just as much as it was painful. Plus, I felt like I was higher than a kite afterwards thanks to all of that adrenaline and oxytocin. Still...here we are pondering #2 and I'm just like "Oh, shit DUDE. I have to feel the horrific and crushing pain of a contraction again!".
Now, onto the other half of this post and maybe you will understand where I am going. Silas is at an age where he is becoming super interactive. My goal is to keep toys and all of that sort of junk that can accumulate in massive amounts to a minimum so at the moment we have a few trucks, an airplane, some wooden blocks, a few stacking sort of things and then lots and lots of books. He is entertained by all of these mildly, but what he really loves is for you to get on the floor in a crawling sort of position and chase him around. Hiding behind walls, jumping out and yelling "rawr!" at him, telling him you are going to catch him. It's fun. For me as a 26 yr old woman, I think this is fun. Here's the catch though...I can't do it for 10 hrs out of the day. I need moments to drink my coffee, zone out for 5 seconds, and chill. We have our chill out moments when we read books throughout the day, but it got me thinking about how nice it would be for him to eventually have a play mate aka a sibling (now this post is coming full circle!). I loved playing with my brothers and sister when I was younger. Two of them are very close in age with me, my sister and I are only 14 months a part. Obviously I've surpassed that age gap for my child, but it would be nice if at some point a little Bushong could take my place in that crawling position, yah know? So yes, we are at this weird stage of "Should we just go for it?" and it's slightly terrifying. I truly feel like the decision to have #2 is so much more difficult than it was our first go. Sure we think about the difficulties we will face, but what about our first babe? What sort of difficulties will my little guy encounter with this decision? Will he be jealous? Will he get enough attention? He's my buddy. I love our solo time together and I don't want to give that up...so I'm not sure what that means in the sense of whether or not I'm ready to add another Bushong to the mix. So I guess we're kind of in this pondering stage at the moment. Something else I think about it just having one. So, there yah have it. The thoughts that are plaguing my mommy brain at this moment. Cheers to finding some clarity in the coming months! xo
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