post partum: clean eating

Another week gone by, another week with no dairy. Crying over here. I am really craving it for some odd reason. Like yogurt, I would kill to have a bowl. You always want what you can't have though... I am proud of myself though for eating super well this week. Although, I went to my 6week postpartum check up and the scale said ZERO lbs lost. Which sort of freaked me out. I am definitely not one who uses a scale on the regular, I gage my weight by how I feel and how my clothes fit (which at the moment is not well aka I am still wearing maternity leggings). Still though, I was a little bummed. Here are some shots of the meals and snacks that went down this week. If you want some more clean eating meal ideas check out my post last week.

Kale sautted in olive oil with garlic + ginger + soy sauce. Pomegranate seeds. Avocado. Wheatberries.

These rice cakes are GOOD. Tamari + seaweed rice cake. Avocado. Sea salt.

Sauteed veggies. Steak marinated in soy sauce. Rice. Which I jsut recently heard that brown rice actually isn't better for you. I need to find a good article with the facts.

Green smoothie. Kale. Pineapple. Mango. Banana. Udo's omega oil. Probitotic. Maca. Coconut water.

Whole grain toast. Avocado. Hard boiled egg. Sea salt. Hot sauce (tapatio to be exact).

Felix Ames: Birth Story

Contractions! The perfect time to snap a pic ;)

This moment...wow.

Felix Ames Bushong

1/26/15 @ 2:30pm

7lbs 9oz

Home Birth: Success. And wow...it's been sort of hard to describe just how amazing of an experience it was to have our little boy at home. Very personal, loving, and natural. It sounds cheesy, but it was just so special and all about us and bringing our babe earthside. Now that I've experienced both a natural hospital birth and a home birth it's really crazy how different the two were. The hospital was very business like. I was a name on a list of people to be seen. I tell yah, after this home birth experience I would love to do it again (but I am not crazy sooooo) ;)

Now, onto my little guys story. After a night of absolutely zero sleep due to our loving little toddler, we were up for the day at around 6am. I don't know what it was, but I just knew. I knew it was going to happen on a day when Silas chose to go buck wild at night and not let us sleep a wink. And there we were. Around 6:30am I had my first "holy shit" contraction. Now, with Silas I had horrific back labor so this felt like a minor little blip on the chart compared to things with him. But I knew it was the real deal so I told Nick I didn't think he was going to go into the office that day. So, what does he do? He goes ahead and starts getting ready to go to the office. After my "WTF are you doing look?" he took me seriously. I decided to get into the shower to alleviate some of the pain and once I was in there Nick definitely knew that this was going to happen. We called my midwife Heather and put it on her radar that it was going down! Nick started setting up our birth tub and I chilled with Silas and kept track of my contractions every so often. Around 11am I put Silas down for a nap. Yes...ME. It was sort of hysterical because I was willing him with my mind to fall asleep ASAP while clutching his headboard during my contractions. He actually fell asleep pretty fast and after that I finally felt I could relinquish control to my labor and I think that's when it really started getting intense.

There are two things that I tell myself during contractions. 1) Allow yourself to feel this pain. This is normal pain. Accept it. 2) Don't fight it. I really try and allow it to spread over my body and do it's thing. Every contraction gets me just a little closer to seeing my baby. And every contraction has a purpose. I really believe in positive affirmations. It's amazing how much your mind set can affect your labor.

Of course, this is hard to do when you feel like you can't take it anymore, but that is why I cannot stress enough how important it is to have people on your support team. We had two doulas; one for Silas when he woke up and then one for myself. Between those two ladies, my two midwives, and Nick, I could not have asked for better support. Yes, I said out loud a few times that I couldn't do it, but I was reassured that I was doing it and it was what I wanted.

Around 11:30 my midwives and Doulas showed up and set up their supplies, monitored the baby and myself for a bit, and then I was told I could get in the tub. I was in active labor now so the water was absolutely glorious. Let me mention that it was a blue sky, gorgeous day at 63 degrees. So we had the window open above the birth pool and between the breeze flowing over my face and the water I could not have asked for a better way to manage my pain. And this is where it ends kids, it went fast. At 2:27 my water broke and holy sh*t if that baby didn't just fly out. Seriously, I immediately needed to push. I pushed for exactly 3 minutes and at 2:30 I lifted our sweet little angel out of the water and held him for the first time. It was the craziest, best experience of my life. When Silas was born I was so exhausted at the end and this time I felt so alive and energetic. It was truly amazing and special.

Baby Boosh // 40 weeks

Ahhhhhhh. Let's make this happen. I am SO ready to not be pregnant anymore. Well, I go back and forth. I wouldn't mind not having this bulging belly out in front, but I am so nervous for two babies and for Silas that sometimes I want to cry. I just keep looking at Silas's little face and praying he won't hate me. We are so close to D-Day (the 23rd) so I am starting to try and get things moving as much as I can with some acupuncture. If I do go past Friday I might try a few other things, but ultimately it is up to this little dude as to when we wants to make his debut and that is fine with me. Silas was 12 days late and honestly, he could not have been more perfect so I know that when Felix is ready he'll make it happen.

How far along: 40 weeks ( 39w4d)

Total weight gain: 35lbs

Maternity clothes: Yes & Yes. I am burning these leggings after this.

Stretch marks: Yup.

Sleep: Hardly. Insomnia has a tight hold on me right now along with contractions.

Best moment this week: Seeing my midwives (love them!) and talking about the birth. I can't wait to experience this.

Movement: Always.

Food cravings: nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: No

Gender: Boy

Belly button in or out: out

Wedding rings on or off: on

Mood of the week: happy, nervous, excited

Looking forward to: Going into labor! And meeting our little boy :)

Baby Boosh // 25 weeks

How far along: 25 weeks

Total weight gain: 14+ lbs

Maternity clothes: some tops and my maternity leggings.

Stretch marks: yes, but who cares.

Sleep: Silas has woken up at 4am (along with his regularly scheduled 1,000 wake ups before that) 3 days this week and it's killing me. 

Best moment this week: getting in some good yoga time while Silas naps and I can really tell Felix had a growth spurt by where he's kicking me.

Movement: it's been constant.

Food cravings: nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: No

Gender: Boy

Belly button in or out: out

Wedding rings on or off: on

Mood of the week: happy

Looking forward to: a couple of yoga classes this weekend and taking our babe to the pumpkin patch!

Baby Boosh // 21 weeks

As my midwife said, "Wow, you officially have popped." Feeling large! And that could be due to the fact that I gained quite a few pounds over the last 5 weeks. My bad! At my appointment this week I brought up the possibility of having a home birth and my midwife could not have been more excited. One of the reasons I totally love her! She was super positive about it (she has had one herself) and told me she 100% recommends it. Soooooo we are in the process of discussing it and possibly moving in that direction. I think the only thing holding me back is not wanting to leave the group of midwives that we are currently with.

How far along: 21 weeks

Total weight gain: 13lbs (ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

Maternity clothes: The hair-tie trick seems to be taking me pretty far so I'll stick with it.

Stretch marks: Nothing new as far as I can see.

Sleep: I feel like I can see the light at the end of the "we haven't slept in 17 months" tunnel. Silas is still sleeping in our room but on his own cozy floor bed and it seems to be helping us.

Best moment this week: Taking out the box of stored away baby clothes and drooling over how adorable and small they are.

Movement: He's an active little guy for sure.

Food cravings: Sweets. So weird...

Anything making you queasy or sick: nope, thank god.

Gender: Boy!

Belly Button in or out: Out

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks all the time lately. Mostly at the end of the day or if I am taking Silas for a walk.

Mood of the week: Excited! I can't wait to start putting the boys room together and re-doing ours.

Looking forward to: finalizing our decision on whether or not we want to have a home birth!

Baby Boosh // 20 weeks

Its a boy! Our ultrasound was this week and it couldn't have gone better. This babe has a "text book perfection" umbilical cord and is as healthy as can be. He was quite stubborn and seemed to find a comfy position and not want to budge so it took until the end of my appointment to be able to see the sex. I can't believe I'm going to be the mama to two sweet boys! I am so excited to meet him, he was pretty damn cute ;)

How far along: 20 weeks

Total weight gain: 5+lbs (not exact, definitely more than 5lbs)

Maternity clothes: I think it's time to cave in...

Stretch marks: Nothing new as far as I can see.

Sleep: I've had an awful cold all week so I've been really congested which isn't so great for sleeping...

Best moment this week: seeing our sweet little baby and hearing that everything looks absolutely perfectly healthy!

Movement: all the time!

Food cravings: nothing! My mouth is so sensitive right now (damn hormones) and it's just not really fun to eat.

Anything making you queasy or sick: nope, thank god.

Gender: baby #2 is a boy :)

Belly Button in or out: It's out!

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks every now and then.

Mood of the week: happy and relieved that we have a very healthy baby.

Looking forward to: organizing the boys room and of course...buying this little babe some cute clothes!

Weekend recap

Cutest little boy that I ever did see :)

Happy Labor Day! Not like it really means much in the world of a SAHM (why don't I get the day off?!), but nonetheless a day where my husband doesn't have to go into the office (even though he just left to go in for a few hours) is a day that I can seriously get down on. This weekend was relaxing and not filled with anything crazy. Lots of walks, a lunch outing, and Nick and Silas wrestling which apparently is what I need to do for 3 hours in the morning in order for him to pass out in 5 minutes at nap time. Baby #2 is moving around like crazy and I am losing my mind over wondering what the sex is. I can't stop thinking about seeing this little nugget on Wednesday. Thinking a little gender reveal deali-o should go down...;)

Baby Boosh // 19 weeks

No choice but to selfie this crap. Silas needs to get some camera skills.

Wow. In the beginning of this pregnancy I found myself wishing it to hurry along, it felt like it was going too slow. Now, I am singing the opposite tune. How are we almost half way there?! It's crazy and stressing me out. This week begins the baby prep. Not like we have too much to do right now, I definitely learned a lot from last time and am not putting much emphasis on things like the nursery, clothes, etc. More than anything I want to de-clutter and organize. We are switching up the bedroom situation and I have a "wish list" of furniture that I need to get in here before this babe comes. I am SO excited for our ultrasound. Feeling a little pressure about the sex of the baby so I am trying not to put much thought into what I think it might be. Everyone is saying "Girl" and I feel like I have to deliver (no pun intended) on that! But hey, it's not up to me kids. Just looking forward to seeing that little face and hearing "everything looks great". 

How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain: 5+lbs (not exact, definitely more than 5lbs)

Maternity clothes? Still in my regular jeans. I decided not to buy anything new until the weather changes up.

Stretch marks? Nothing new, but I am sure there will be. To be honest, I don't care either.

Sleep: Silas slept through the night for the first time and of course I didn't sleep at all that night. Such a missed opportunity considering the night after that he was up constantly. We have him on a futon mattress in our room in the hopes that it will cure our sleeping woes. Fingers crossed.

Best moment this week: I can see movements a little bit on the outside. 

Movement: Yes! Still not consistent though and it freaks me out. For some reason I remember Silas as being really active around this time, but I could be mistaken. It's all a blur really, haha.

Food cravings: Salty!

Anything making you queasy or sick: No headaches this week which is amazing. I decided to start taking some magnesium (I take Natural Calm in some hot water with lemon) to help me sleep and keep my headaches at bay.

Gender: Finding out on Wednesday!

Belly Button in or out? Looks the same as always...flat.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks when I haven't had enough water and at the end of the day. Apparently it's all good and normal, but it was freaking me out a bit when they first started.

Mood of the week: Feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Looking forward to: Gender reveal!

So this is what it feels like...

He slept. My baby slept "through the night". Yesterday, was one of the worst days and I'm not religious by any means, but I think the universe was all "Dude, let's cut you some slack". And then they sprinkled some magic sleepy dust on my little guy and he slept from 9-5. Sure, we were up at 5:30. But, beggers can't be choosers. All morning Nick and I kept exclaiming how different we felt. "This is amazing!". Ha. It's really funny the things that make you happy sometimes. So yesterday was a bitch fest for me and today I am feeling like I've got it all. Which I do have it all...but the sleep thing was the cherry on top. If you read my post yesterday, just know that I'm not a debbie downer all the time. Just when I haven't slept for 16 months...

Here's to hoping I'm not jinxing last night and this continues...

Is it bed time yet?

6am selfie which I totally intended to send to a girlfriend who wants to start a family with the caption "Don't do it." I know, I know, I'm a being a brat.

I don't really have a lot of "mom friends". That is to say, most of my girlfriends are still soaking up all that their 20's have to offer and they get a full 8 hrs of sleep. Can you tell I am writing this while having a bad day? I don't mean for it to sound harsh, I swear. I love being a mama. I really do. Over the past few months though I have just really come to see how insane of an emotional roller coaster it is. Just yesterday I thought to myself, "Wow, I love this stage that Silas is at. He is just the sweetest and cutest." And then, days like today I am just praying that the hours will zoom past me so I can put this kid to bed and maybe have a few minutes to myself. 

Girlfriends often mention to me that they are "Thinking of starting a family" or contemplating diving into this crazy world. My first reaction is always sweet and coaxing, "Oh yeah, it's amazing! You should totally do it!". But let's get honest here, sometimes in the back of my mind I have a little voice screaming, "Don't do it! If you like sleep, a clean house, and date nights with your lover, stay where you are!". And I think that sort of encompasses this world I now live in. The majority of my days are spent loving on the sweetest little boy ever. Playing in the park, swimming, laughing, building block towers and knocking them down. But, there are days where I am constantly pulling my hair out, trying to get him to eat something, stopping him from ripping our cats fur out, all while thinking about what my husband and I are going to eat for dinner. It's hard. It's easy. It's fun. It's horrible. What a trip, huh? 

I write this because I just can't imagine what life will be like x2 and it's been weighing heavily on my mind, especially days like today where I can't get my sh*t together. How will I manage? Sometimes I am barely holding on and other days I feel like I've got this down to a science. When I contemplate all of this I can't help but just feel sad that my own mother isn't here to help me out, show me her ways. I've essentially been flying solo for 16 months, no one to call to babysit or help me out while I run to the grocery store and that kind of loneliness is just something I have never experienced before. I haven't lived near home in almost 10 years and it has never bothered me until now. I know that once my babies are a little older and I can drop them off at activities that I will get the alone time I am craving, but I also can't help but feel like wishing for those days to come sooner so that I can have that is hindering my ability to enjoy what I've got now. Almost like because I don't have that family nearby to lend me their extra hands I'm missing out on enjoying my babies to the fullest. If only...right?

Time to enjoy coffee + chocolate while my monster child naps. Sometimes it just feels good to get a good bitching session in.

PS. I totally condone my friends joining me in baby land. Please. So that you can understand why I am unable to hang out at 8pm at night. Thanks!

Weekend recap

This weekend was filled with lots of water and family time. I say it over and over again, but I miss my husband terribly. That man is putting in a LOT of hours and the only full day we get with him is Sunday. This past Sunday happened to be our two year anniversary and while we started out thinking we were going to have my sister babysit Silas so that we could spend some alone time together, we scratched that and really just wanted some quality time all three of us. So we headed to the pool! Portland has a community center in every neighborhood and they all pretty much have outdoor pools. We headed to a cute little neighborhood called Sellwood and there pool is seriously amazing. It has a walk in shallow end so it was perfect to lounge in while Silas splashed next to us. He was in heaven that little water baby. We packed a cooler full of snacks and my sister met up with us. I just have to say, this neighborhood is #1 on my list for house hunting next year. I am in love! The day before I went to a yoga class and the boys hung out downtown and waited for me to finish up. Then we walked on over to a little water fountain/splash pad called Jamison square and let Silas run around a bit. It definitely isn't my favorite spot (I like our park/splash pad a lot better), but I had been wanting to check it out anyway. So that's how our weekend ended up, lots of pics below :)

Baby Boosh // 18 weeks

Ummmm #badhairday

How far along? 18 weeks

Total weight gain: 5+lbs

Maternity clothes? Jeans are still holding on strong. 

Stretch marks? Still nothing new.

Sleep: Melatonin is my best friend at the moment.

Best moment this week: Baby is getting stronger and there are some definite kicks in there. Especially when I hold Silas which cracks me up.

Movement: It's not consistent yet, but this babe is on the move and I'm noticing his/her sleep pattern. It seems pretty consistant with mine so crossing my fingers that this baby sleeps through the night.

Food cravings: Nothing really, I actually haven't had much of an appetite as of late.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Ugh, yes. I almost barfed the other day and I have another headache which I am going to guess is caffeine related.

Gender: Less than 2 weeks until we find out. More than anything I am looking forward to seeing a healthy baby!

Belly Button in or out? Looks the same as always...flat.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Mood of the week: Stressed and tired.

Looking forward to: Our ultrasound and some one on one time with my hubby this weekend for our anniversary! 

Fit pregnancy

Now, I am in no way preaching about this topic. I am simply putting my experience out there of having an "unfit pregnancy" and a "trying to be fit pregnancy". You know, I look back at my pregnancy with Silas with a slight tinge of bitterness. "I hated being pregnant" is what you could most likely find me saying about it. And really, it was my fault that it was how it was. I gained an extreme amount of weight with him. By the end of my third trimester I was unbelievably swollen, Silas was facing the wrong way as a result of my laziness, and during labor I had high blood pressure. Now, whether that had to do with the weight gain...I'm no doctor. But deep in me I know that it possibly could have been a little more enjoyable had I focused a bit more on the physical well being of my body. I could list off a bunch of excuses on why I gained so much; living in a new city, winter weather of -10 degrees, etc., etc. But really, that's all a bunch of crap. I knew with this pregnancy I wanted...needed to feel better about myself. I mentioned to a girlfriend who had just started working at a new yoga studio that if they needed someone to clean in exchange for free classes I was so down. I have always been envious of my girlfriends who practiced on the regular and had attempted throughout the years to become somewhat of a yogi myself. It never stuck because I was always "busy". Well, here I am cleaning a studio two nights a week in exchange for unlimited access to classes and I am hooked. I have actually never felt stronger or more flexible since my high school cheerleading days. And the crazy thing is, I've only been at it for 5 weeks.

It's been an awesome experience fixing my "mistakes" from the last pregnancy and I am just really enjoying myself this time. It's also nice to get out of the house and spend some time working on me. Motherhood doesn't always allow you the privilege of that very often and I am relishing in it.

Here are a few of my tips:

*Don't overdue it or start something that is extreme. Know your body and its limits. One reason I love doing vinyasa is that it allows me to take it as far as I feel as I can. Or con the contrary, hold back when I need to.
*Find someone to work out with. My friend Rikki is an amazing little yogi ( Hi, Rickles!). We take usually one class a week together. She is definitely more advance than me, but I love having my mat next to hers because it's 1) inspiring (I want to do crow, dammit!) and 2) seeing her flexibility and knowledge of the poses pushes me to be better at it.
*Talk to your health care provider about what is best for you. Now, i see a midwife who is all for my yoga practice. But, I know that there is probably more than a few OB's out there who would say "OMG YOU'RE GOING TO HARM THE BABY!". Whatever the case may be, you should make sure that what you're doing is safe and that you don't have anything going on medically that would prevent you from whatever exercise you've decided on.
*Know your limits and don't push yourself to the extreme. Remember, you are pregnant. Things are different. Listen to your body. Today, I stopped about 5 times to sit and skip a pose and sip on some water. It's OK to take breaks and go easy. Little bits of exercise are better than nothing!

Baby Boosh // 16 weeks

How far along? 16 weeks

Total weight gain: 5+ lbs (not sure of exact)

Maternity clothes? It's time to make the switch. I've picked out a few pieces on asos.com that I am thinking about pulling the plug on and purchasing.

Stretch marks? Still using avocado oil/coconut oil to prevent new ones.

Sleep: None whatsoever. It's really making things difficult around here.

Best moment this week: While I was holding Silas the baby kicked him because he was pressing on my belly. The jealousy has already started!

Movement: Lots and lots

Food cravings: Sour candy. Which I caved and bought some today. Immediately felt awful.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing really. Eggs made me a bit queasy the other day.

Gender: 4 more weeks and I  can't wait.

Belly Button in or out? Looks the same as always...flat.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Mood of the week: Blah. My husband is working so much so I've been feeling super sad about not being able to spend any time with him. Miss my boo!

Looking forward to: My appointment on Wednesday and finding out if we are team pink or team blue!

Favorites >> Maternity

Not like I'm an expert or anything, but I definitely know more this pregnancy than the last. For example: Don't over pack for the hospital, the nurses will laugh at you. Ha! Seriously, so embarrassing. Anyways, there are certain things that make pregnancy easier, or for my sake, more bearable. Some comfy/cute clothes, the right beauty products, those things make you feel good when you might actually not feel so good. Here are a few of my favs:

1. Japanese weekend maternity leggings. I don't splurge on maternity specific items (especially this go around) because you are only really wearing them for a few months. But a great pair of comfortable leggings are a must have of mine. I really like the kind that go over the belly.

2. Kimono cardigan. This super cute one is from Nordstroms. Easy, versatile, and you can use it post-baby. They dress up or down and camouflage the areas that I'm a little self-conscious about during pregnancy.

3. Liz Lange tank tops from Target. The absolute best! Thick and stretchy, I still wore mine after I had Silas.

4. OLE HENRIKSEN moisturizer. This is such a splurge, but my skin is crazy when I am pregnant. Breakouts galore! A girlfriend of mine got me some of this for my birthday and it is without a doubt the best moisturizer I've ever used. It's free of all the crap that is normally found in beauty products (parabens, sulfates, etc.) which makes me love it even more. So worth it, and you only need the smallest amount to cover your face.

Baby Boosh // 15 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks

Total weight gain: 4+ lbs (I don't own a scale, so I'm going off my last appointment)
Maternity clothes? Nope. Still able to squeeze into my jeans, but it's been so hot that dresses are my go to.
Stretch marks? Using avocado oil every night in order to prevent any new ones from popping up.

Sleep: Still no sleep due to my sweet little angel boy...hoping we get there before this babe arrives though. I can't imagine going through labor feeling this exhausted.
Best moment this week: So much more movement! Nothing really distinct, but a lot of tumbling. I sort of feel like my belly popped out a bit too.
Movement: Yup!

Food cravings: So gross and weird, but I want some ramen. The packaged kind. Filled with MSG and weird things...so gross. And sour candy...I am disgusting! (I haven't had either though...)

Anything making you queasy or sick: I had the mother of all migraines this week. Puked all day Monday and could not stop crying. It was awful. The baby tumbling around also gives me a little motion sickness.

Gender: Not yet!

Belly Button in or out? *sigh* that sucker will never look the same...

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Mood of the week: Still so emotional over the tiniest things. Hoping it eases up for the sake of my poor hubby.

Looking forward to: Hearing the babe's heartbeat at our 17 week appointment and then finding out the gender :)

The longest first trimester in the history of pregnancy...

How far along? 13 weeks

Total weight gain: 4lbs and feeling SO much bigger than with Silas.
Maternity clothes? Not yet...
Stretch marks? I got some with Silas so I have been rubbing avocado oil on my belly every night to help heal those and prevent any new ones.

Sleep: I haven't slept a full night in 15 months so the answer to this is "none".
Best moment this week: I felt some little tumbles in there! My midwife asked me at 12 weeks if I had felt anything yet and I was like, "Too early girlfriend, you're crazy!". She told me second time mama's usually feel something around this time. She was right, of course.
Movement: Some little tumbles here and there...
Food cravings: A ham & Brie sammy from New Seasons. Can't. Stop. Thinking. About. It.
Anything making you queasy or sick: This tension headache that is going on 2 days.
Gender: Not yet!
Belly Button in or out? It never really went back in after Silas...
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Mood of the week: Emotional as could be. Sorry, Nick!
Looking forward to: Bigger kicks and movements and seeing our little babe on the 20 week ultrasound. I can't wait to find out if it's a girl or a boy! 

Oh, hey! This first trimester is almost over. Praise jesus. It has been a struggle. The morning sickness has been minimal compared to my pregnancy with Silas, but wow, the exhaustion is horrific. The other day I found myself lying on the couch throwing a ball for Silas to run after. We were playing fetch. I was so tired I was treating play time with my child like he was a puppy so I didn't have to move. Sad, sad day you guys. I'm still fuming over my due date moving up two weeks. Like it's my midwife's fault or something...haha. I keep thinking, "I should be 15 weeks now!". I guess I should get over it soon, not like it's going to change. I am looking forward to hopefully feeling a bit more up beat in the next few weeks...fingers crossed!

52 week project / 10.11

"A portrait of my child, once a week, for a year."

Silas: It has been unreal to watch you grow in the last 2 weeks. Your understanding of what I am saying to you is through the roof. "Go get us a book to read." You do it. "Go lay down so I can change your diaper." Done. I am sure every mama says this about their babes, but you are a very smart little boy. And fearless. I caught you climbing the cat tower the other day. I love you little bebe, you sure do make my days amazing.

Baby #2: Is that you I feel? I can't be sure, since it's pretty early on. I swear I can feel a few tumbles though. I'm trying not to "wish" this pregnancy would go faster, but I'm just so excited. Really trying to cherish the moments that your big brother is my one and only because when you get here, it's going to get crazy! I love you little one.

survival mode

This was taken on a rather awful day. A small break in the storm.

Always being naughty. And laughing about it. I guess my taking a picture of it doesn't exactly say, "Stop doing that!".

I very much look forward to nap time. But, sometime's I miss him when he's asleep. And nothing is better than when he wakes up smiling and wanting some snuggles.

Whenever people ask me how I'm doing lately, I simply respond with, "i'm surviving". That's where I'm at. This pregnancy is dragging its feet. I mean, they pushed my due date up  (back? I don't know...) 2 whole frickin' weeks so I pretty much feel as though the first trimester is a never ending black hole. And then there is my darling little 14 month old. Silas has been jumping in between horrific and the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. It's dizzying. We have started time out with the hopes that he will really  understand what we mean when we say "No". Because at the moment, he laughs. And then it makes me laugh. And then my chance to parent him is shot and I feel like a bad mama. I can only imagine how much crazier life is going to get in the next few months so I'm trying to get a grip and go with the flow. Not let every little thing bother me and trying to not give in to the exhaustion. Although, this pregnancy is just a total 180 from Silas. The morning sickness has been minimal and the headaches have been few and far between. Very grateful for that because that is what I was most worried about. I still can't wait to get a move on with it though. I want to feel some kicks and flips and actually look pregnant instead of the +5lb chub that is currently residing on my midsection so nicely. Anyways, Happy Humpday. Go get em'. xo